NEVER.

Never say never- as the saying goes.

*Disclaimer- Those who know me well please try to refrain from laughing...or calling me a liar. Hehehaha.

"I could NEVER stay at home with my kids. They would make me crazy."

"I NEVER want to have an odd number of children."

"I'll consider a move for your job at QuikTrip, but NEVER want to move to the Arizona or Georgia divisions."

"I will NEVER home school."

"I'll NEVER win the lottery."

Ok. So I threw in the last one in hopes it will turn out like the others and I guess there's still time fulfill one of them- or so Grandma hopes!! :)

You know what's weird? I can remember very clearly who I was speaking to, where I was and how firmly I believed these NEVERS when they came out of my mouth. And that's impressive considering my horrible memory!!

If my measure of success in life is to be based on how MY plans turned out I have failed miserably. I'm right around a D- or F. My plans: work in a job I love & spent 4 years going to school for, have children- an even number, probably 2 and live close to family. No change. Nothing daring. Risk free. Not even my pinkie toe stepping out of my carefully planned comfort zone. Yep. Sounded glorious to me! And I would have called you crazy if you had said I'd ever chose otherwise.

It's obvious by my track record of NEVERS that my heart has been transformed and changed over time. We have made decisions that wrecked our pretty little path we had laid out. All prompted by He who knows what we need best. And ya know what? All that "wreckage" and making those tough choices, daring plans and risky change has lead to more blessings than I can begin to name.

I was blessed with wonderful daycare kiddos, extra snuggle time with my kids and the opportunity to make lasting friendships through MOPS by stepping out in faith leaving my teaching career.

He showed up when we decided to move away from all our family & friends not once, but TWICE to states I swore I would NEVER move to. We were blessed with a much needed slower paced life in Arizona. We met sweet, sweet neighbors & families. A church we adored and I gained a friend that seems like a friend I've known forever. I'll readily admit this 2nd move had been much more difficult to find the blessings in, so stay tuned!

Each decision has been difficult in it's own way to my planner this-is-how-it's-suppose-to-go-I-don't-do-change personality. And now the new, and what feels to be the biggest challenge of my heart to date...pulling Emma from "traditional" education to home school. The reasons are complicated and I'll share later.

My emotions have been waaaay up and waaaay down. From "oh yea...I can do this!" all the way to "WTH are we doing!!!??". Just being real. Obviously I CAN teach. I know HOW. It just seems contrary to everything I've ever known to do it this way.

School has been my life. My heart beats to an August to May calendar. From my years in school, to my years teaching, my years in daycare having teachers kids and my own kids in school. It's how it's supposed to go. My future scrapbook pages were to display cute little pictures of my kids in their new 1st day outfit with a backpack full of supplies that I LOOOOVE buying. THAT'S how it's supposed to be. It's the picture in my head.

But it was not to be...for now.  I go the way He is prompting or struggle and trudge the difficult and weary MY way.  One of these days I will get this through my thick noggin' and not seem surprised to learn that His way is filled with truth I don't yet understand and He is faithful to see it through.

And while I'm being honest I'm kinda anxious about another NEVER I've thrown out a while back...guess we shall see where that ends up. :)

So, I'm pressing the denim jumper, polishing the apple, dusting the textbook and hanging my diploma. At least one thing is in my favor. The ratio- 1:1.